| Photo from Mujeres during the fall 2013 tour. |
In Spain, I worked on my technique, my arms, clarity in my footwork; my compás greatly improved; my knowledge and understanding of the cante greatly improved. In NYC I go to the studio several times a week and drill technique, run and clean my dances, work tirelessly with a metronome, always improving. Yet, I struggle with translating my success in the studio into my performing…there’s one “muscle” I haven’t been flexing–my mind and focus. There’s been a huge disparity in my dancing in the past year between what I am able to do in the studio and what I am able to do onstage.
I had an especially hard time last tour because of my lack of mental focus. I was asked to do a castanet solo, something if have no experience with and very little training in. I worked very hard at yet–I was constantly practicing my castanets, yet the solo seemed to get worse not better when it came to performing. So what was the problem? I was so afraid of messing up and getting out of compás, and thinking the director would be disappointed in my performance no matter what, that I set myself up for failure every time. [On a side note, there is often no positive reinforcement in the dance world because it is simply your job to dance the steps correctly and beautifully, and that’s taken a bit of getting used to for me.] However, I can’t blame the negativity of those around me–circumstances will never be ideal and you have to be tough to perform your best–and I lacked mental toughness completely. I became disappointed in my inability to perfectly execute the solo, and that disappointment only made things worse, making me feel valueless. It’s a dangerous cycle to get stuck in, and I’m slowly but surely working my way out of it.
Now that my castanet playing is a bit stronger, it’s that mental aspect that I am working on. I definitely have perseverance and drive, it’s a matter of closing the gap between practice ability and performance ability. I generally have a lot of focus when it comes to working hard on a daily basis to reach long term goals, so it’s specifically the mental focus required of performing that I need to work at. Getting over that hump is a process and there are a lot of tools to help me get there and I’m especially lucky to have great support from my mentors.
So, what am I doing to work on it? First and foremost, keeping positive. Picturing myself succeeding rather than thinking I’m going to mess up. Breathing, relaxing, and enjoying the dancing. Valuing myself by recognizing my strengths. Recognizing my weaknesses and recognizing that those weaknesses can be overturned. Reflecting on my progress–for example, my castanet playing is significantly stronger than last tour and will continue to improve as long as I keep working at it. Trusting myself and all the hard work I’ve done in the studio.
Last night was our first performance of tour. The opening number, Mujeres, was going really well, until I got a bit off on the castanet part. In stead of letting it go, I let it get to my head, and lost my focus, which caused me to mess up the footwork on the next part. I kept thinking back to how I’d messed up, which just snowballed into more messing up. It wasn’t until the second act that I got my focus together. Instead of feeling bad about that, it’s a lesson for me to learn from so that if that I get off in the castanets I can keep going and not let that effect the rest of the piece. (And as soon as I’m done writing this blog post I’m going to practice a bit in the studio).
What I’m learning is that focus and mental toughness has to be worked just as much as anything else, and just like technique, it doesn’t come over night. It’s a process. I feel thankful to be challenged and pushed in this role so that I can get rid of that disparity between practice and performance ability not just in that castanet solo, but in all my dancing and performing.
And if anyone has tips to work on this, please do share! Mental toughness isn’t specific to dancers or athletes, but all walks of life.
This is something I struggle with too, even in classes, when you can't get a step right it just kind of snowballs and turns into a bad day. The only thing that has really helped me with mental toughness in performance is practicing. My oboe teacher once told me that the only real way to get rid of stage fright is to be completely prepared, as in you can play the recital with your eyes closed three times in a row. Unfortunately, we don't always have the time to be that prepared for a performance (as it seems during your tour!).
Another thing that I tried and sometimes works in performance is when I make a mistake, I think, OK, it's not perfect anymore. That kind of relieves the pressure a little bit, because instead of striving for perfection, you're striving for as good as the dance can be at that moment. Of course, I would definitely choose practicing a lot and not making mistakes over this option!
Also, bear in mind that most people watching you won't even notice you made a mistake. Almost every performance where I feel like I made a big mistake I talked about it afterwards and no-one knew. Sometimes what may seem like a big issue for you may be very minor to the audience.
Good luck on the tour!
Wonderful contribution Alice! Mental toughness is a challenge for all of us in varing degrees at different points in our lives. Every time we meet a new opportunity there is the excitement but also potential of "failure" – which of course is just a consideration we or others make about us that needn't stick. I'm grateful you shared your process and analysis of strengths and weakness to use in negotiating my own inner turf. I recently reread a book I bought when facing the problem in my executive career which was helpful. I tend to think this should be "fixed" like something that snaps into place or is solved like a math problem. A muscle is an appropriate analogy, it's more an ongoing process like meditation. The book: Meditation in a NY minute by Mark Thornton – the title is a turn-off to some – but what I and so many need is something that is"mobile" and Mark aggregated tips from the masters for busy lives of top performers of different kinds. It could proof helpful! I'm taking a castinets class with Amayra this term and must get to practice. She assures me if practiced it does come and you are an inspiring example!